Getting Old Ain’t for Sissies

How Have You Changed Your Daily Life as You’ve Gotten Older?

We’re only one fall away from a nursing home.

Now…do you walk backwards going down stairs while you’re holding something so you don’t trip and fall?

Have you bought a pair of boots with deep tread soles to keep from falling while you walk on snow, ice, or wet surfaces?

When you wake up in the morning, does it take you five minutes to encourage your aching joints to get ready to move and you move very slowly so you don’t trip, stumble, and fall?

Have your dinnertime eating habits changed?

Are you eating earlier because you have reflux or difficulty sleeping if you eat too late? And since you’re retired and don’t have the money you used to have, you eat early to save money. (Jokes about older people eating at the “Early Bird Special” have more truth than humor.)

Jerry Seinfeld and The Early Bird Special

Memories of a Book

“The Friends of Eddie Coyle” by George V. Higgins

Higgins was a lawyer in Boston and the master of real and imaginative dialogue, especially language from criminals, law enforcement, and lawyers. The Friends of Eddie Coyle was his first published novel and was acclaimed as a masterpiece of the crime novel genre. The book was later made into a successful movie starring Robert Mitchum and Peter Boyle. The movie is one of a few that is as good as the book.

Memories of a Song on the Radio

“Israelites” by Desmond Dekker and the Aces

When I first heard this, it blasted out of the car radio, and many of my contemporary rock and rollers loved the song and labored over the lyrics, which were virtually indecipherable. Israelites reached #9 on the Billboard charts in June, 1969.

Here is “Israelites” by Desmond Dekker and the Aces

AND…if you never deciphered the lyrics, here they are.

Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Israelites, ah

Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Israelite

My wife and my kids, they packed up and leave me
Darling, she said, I was yours to be seen
Poor me Israelites

Shirt them a-tear up, trousers is gone
I don’t want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde
Poor me Israelites

After a storm there must be a calm
They catch me in the farm
You sound your alarm
Poor me Israelites

I said I get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Israelites

I said my wife and my kids, they are packed up and leave me
Darling, she said, I was yours to be seen
Poor me Israelites

Look me shirts them a-tear up, trousers are gone
I don’t want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde
Poor me Israelites

  After a storm there must be a calm
They catch me in the farm
You sound your alarm
Poor me Israelites

Poor me Israelites, poor me Israelites, poor me Israelites

Scrotums

The topic today is scrotums. Gravity is not our friend.

Forever we’ve heard stories and jokes about women’s breasts sagging with age. I worked with a woman who wore vaguely inappropriate blouses covering her large breasts. My old boss said, “By the time she’s 35, they’ll look like someone threw two bowling balls into a pair of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s socks.”

Well, you men, have you noticed your scrotum sagging down, and then down a little more? Will your testicles reach your knees? There isn’t much you can do about it except accept the inevitable. Sorry, guys.

Book Memory

“A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole, the winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Literature in 1981, 12 years after the author killed himself. The hero is Ignatius J. Reilly, lazy, flatulent, and highly educated, he follows the teachings of Boethius, a medieval “sybil of a nun.” Set in New Orleans, this hilarious novel addresses education, ambition in the post-modern world, and especially, race and race relations in America.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Confederacy_of_Dunces

Music Memory

“Runaway” by Del Shannon. Released in 1961, the 45 was selling 80,000 singles every day! This video is from David Letterman and it’s a rare live performance (not lip-synced) of “Runaway.” Why he changes the lyric from “…where she will stay…” to “…where you’re gonna stay…” is beyond me, because the extra syllable is unnecessary, and the resulting lyric doesn’t scan. Nevertheless, it’s a solid performance.